When it comes to the recipe of goal setting, the secret sauce to success is accountability: An obligation or willingness to accept responsibility or to account for one’s actions. Goal setting can be intimidating and following through with them even more daunting; but as a parent, it’s so important to walk-the-walk and talk-the-talk so that our children can mirror and learn how to approach this task – without fear!
So parents, why not make New Year’s resolutions an annual family event? Teaching your children the importance of goal setting, while also holding yourself accountable for your own goals, is a win-win for everyone! Here are 3 practical ways to help your family make achievable goals for the new year:
#1 – Write it down – and make it FUN!
According to an online article on Parents.com, Christine Carter, Ph.D., author of Raising Happiness: 10 Simple Steps for More Joyful Kids and Happier Parents, says, “[Children] as young as 7 years old are able to think about what a New Year’s resolution is and to make their own—yet parents can still help guide them… We don’t want to teach our kids it’s about making a huge list of resolutions and not following through, so help your child narrow them down to a couple of things to focus on.” In other words, make goal setting FUN and obtainable. Here’s how you can approach:
• Set a night (like a family game night!) where everyone gathers with the expectation of establishing New Year’s resolutions (including YOU parents!)
• Give everyone a sheet of paper and set a timer for 5 minutes: Each person during this time writes down all goals they want to achieve in the new year
• When the timer buzzes, reset it for 2 minutes, and ask everyone to then narrow their lists by only circling 2 or 3 goals they want to commit to accomplishing. The important thing is not to end up with too many resolutions.
* Helpful Hint: You can take this one step further by asking your children to circle 1 social skills resolution and 1 academic resolution they want to achieve. According to an online article by understood.org
Beginning idea: “I’ll be the most popular kid in my class.”
Resolution: “This year, I’ll make more friends. Twice a month, I’ll invite someone over from school or Scouts.”
Beginning Idea: “I’m going to get all A’s this year.”
Resolution: “In January, I’ll get a B or better on every science quiz by studying at least 45 minutes for each one and asking my teacher for advice on studying.”
#2 – Make your resolutions S.M.A.R.T.
According to Just Say YES Wellness Education Speaker Oliver Crandon, utilizing the S.M.A.R.T. Goals method is a great way to ensure the goals you and your family have set are obtainable and measurable. WW1 Pilot Eddie Rickenbacker once said, “I can give you a six-word formula for success: Think things through – then follow through.” As a pilot, assessing and acting was vital for Rickenbacker’s survival. For us parents, assessing and acting is vital for our children to thrive.
For each New Year’s resolution, consider the following questions to help make them S.M.A.R.T.
Specific – What will be accomplished? What actions will you take?
Measurable – What numbers or data will measure the goal? How much? How well?
Attainable – Is the goal doable?
Relevant – Why is the result important?
Timely – What is the time frame for accomplishing the goal?
Developing a plan for success with grades, extracurricular activities, friendships, etc. is applying the “thinking through” process, but making them S.M.A.R.T. is the “following through” component. Helping your child to define goals that are S.M.A.R.T. will help them to ultimately and frequently achieve those goals.
#3 – Be a resolution role model
As parents, one of the greatest things we can do for our children (and often one of the hardest things!) is to practice what we preach. According to the Parents.com article, Dr. Carter says, “If what you want is for your kids to be out the door earlier, you need to work on it yourself. I saw that when I was consistently ready at the time I wanted to leave; it was possible to ask my kids to make changes. Let’s not ask them to do more than we are willing to do.”
As listed on understood.org, here are some ways you can keep yourself and your children accountable for the New Year’s Resolutions established:
Don’t nag: In addition to the regular progress checks you’ve built in, ask questions and offer reminders — but in ways your child can accept. Some kids might respond well to, “I know you wanted to have someone over twice a month. Has that happened yet for February?” Others might do better with, “We don’t have any plans this weekend if you want to have a teammate over.”
Share your own experiences: Be honest about what did and didn’t help you with your New Year’s resolutions. “I’m so glad I joined the library book club last year. It really helped me reach my daily page goal.”
Make it meaningful: Let your child work hard toward the goal. If your child doesn’t achieve it, you can still make sure that the struggle is motivating, not paralyzing. Talk through how things went off-track and what strategies your child might try in the future.
